bpd muni !

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what is bpd?

bpd (borderline personality disorder), less commonly known as eupd (emotionaly unstable personality disorder). it is an emotional disorder that typically develops in childhood being present in an invalidating or abusive environment. it is grouped with aspd (antisocial personality disorder), hpd (histrionic personality disorder), and npd (narcissictic personality disorder) in cluster b.

symptoms of bpd include...
♡ unstable self image
♡ black and white thinking
♡ high emotional reactivity
♡ marked impulsivity
♡ utilizing unhealthy coping mechanisms
(ex. binge eating, shopping sprees)
♡ intense fear of abandonment
♡ common outbursts and displays of anger
♡ engaging in attention seeking behaviors
♡ trouble with interpersonal relationships
♡ short term stress related paranoia

why say muni has bpd?

i personally feel that bpd has A LOT to do with muni's character and the things she does. whether it was intentional or not (which, it probably wasn't), muni having bpd helps to explain a lot of things that, to the average person, may seem out of the ordinary. i, as someone with bpd, can HEAVILY relate to muni with what she does and how she acts.i think that understanding bpd and the way muni experiences it can help a lot in dissecting who she is. muni is an extremely positive and well written portrayal of bpd, which we definitely need more of.♡ so, let's get into it ! ♡

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when has muni shown symptoms?

episode 5 of the d4dj anime features a lot of small moments adding to muni having bpd as well as giving us some insight into more of her personality, reactions, and home life.the main conflict of this episode is as follows...all the other members of DJ mash & rinku with VJ only + rei togetsu... wait no that's a mouthful let me start over...
all the other members of the rising DJ unit happy around are being praised for their abilities by students all over their school! however, only only one of those members ISN'T being praised by name... and that member is muni ohnaruto !
because of this, muni desperately wants to take center stage to be noticed all over the school. rei comes over for a visit so she can learn more about muni and write a song especially for her and all about her !

mainly, muni engages in attention seeking behaviors and has frequent emotional outbursts. some examples seen in this episode are...♡ getting overly upset at people praising "VJ only" and not "muni ohnaruto," even though VJ only IS muni ohnaruto (00:23)♡ having fantasies about getting attention (she even throws a mini temper tantrum before this) (03:06)♡ another mini temper tantrum due to not receiving the attention she wants (06:31)

muni's past causing bpd

in this episode, we learn that muni's mother (who is implied to be the only parent in the household,) was and is still frequently away from home due to working often. earlier in the anime (episode 3), we also learn that rinku and muni were best friends as kids. however, rinku soon moved away to tiotio, africa.muni didn't have friends that were as close to her as rinku was when she was younger, and this only left her mother, who was extremely busy. these are two harsh instances of abandonment for a young person to deal with, and both of these things could have attributed to her bpd.it's also important to note that bpd isn't solely caused by abandonment in childhood. it isn't entirely caused by any instances that can be placed. bpd is caused by a mixture of events and a person's personality. these events can range from invalidating homes to abusive ones, and if a person has a personality that needs a lot of care and attention, they can easily end up developing bpd.as a person, muni is timidly and humbly haughty, needing a lot of affection and love. the instances in which she was regrettably denied this love built up over time, and developed into a personality disorder.i'd like to mention that it isn't wise to blame muni's mother for being busy with work or rinku's moving away for muni's bpd. the basis for bpd is a person's personality and their reactions to neglect or invalidation. the situation isn't muni's fault, nor is it the fault of the people in her life that matter the most to her.simply, the circumstances were just unfortunate.

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the most important part

d4dj's anime shows a lot of behaviors from muni that point to her having bpd. however, i think the most important part of the show in terms of such has to be episode 12.episode 12 is not only one of the most clear, unadulterated examples of muni's bpd, but it is also a fantastic portrayal of those behaviors as a whole. the episode portrays these behaviors in a healthy and understanding light, as opposed to other pieces of media which would fully demonize them. there are so many details scattered throughout the episode that range from subtle to being the main point and conflict of the story. muni and her bpd is the main focus here, and god, they wrote it well.

this episode is about rinku and muni's relationship during a period of time where muni is furious with rinku for reasons she refuses to open up about. said reasons are muni feeling abandoned by rinku all throughout her childhood (when rinku suddenly moved to africa) and in her day to day. rinku has no clue what she's done wrong, and begins to grow intensely anxious from the fear of what she could have done to upset muni so much. she gets to the point where she's bursting out crying simply from a lack of communication between her and muni. maho and rei notice the tension between the two, and try to get muni's side of things. muni isn't really furious with rinku, but instead, she's afraid of being unimportant to rinku. this fear manifests itself as being cold and antagonistic, even though muni obviously doesn't want to be hurting her best friend. she states that she "messed everything up again," blaming herself for the conflict at hand. maho and rei end up cornering the two in a rap battle (if that sounds strange, don't worry. it works in the context of the episode just trust me), muni and rinku let out their feelings. they both open up and finally explain and clear up things that neither of them understood; muni was afraid of rinku "leaving her" just like she did when she moved away when they were kids, and rinku cares about muni more than anything, no matter how many miles away they are. all is well again, and they can move on from this bump in the road and continue being best friends.this episode, without a doubt, is portraying a bpd outburst.
in front of the person who "caused" the outburst, all the person with bpd shows is their own form of rage and distaste. however, in front of bystanders or in private, the person with bpd will often blame themselves for what they have done.muni does exactly this in the episode, and as someone with bpd, i can vouch that this is a real and intense experience.muni refuses to talk things out with rinku by her own volition, being cold and passive aggressive towards her. but muni seems to easily talk things out with rei with not a drop of bitterness throughout the whole scene. muni places the blame on herself for breaking her promise with rinku to write letters when she moved away from africa and for closing herself off again just as she did back then. this is the reality of a bpd outburst.i think that this episode is a positive portrayal of bpd because it doesn't frame muni as a monster. muni's reasons for being "mad" at rinku are shown to be real and valid, even if they seemed to have appeared intensely and out of the blue. it's shown not as a detriment or muni being irrational, but as a problem to solve. nobody says that muni is being dramatic or irrational and they treat muni's feelings as important.

as seen in the episode, bpd can not only have a strong effect on the person with the disorder, but also on those surrounding it as well. happy around's dj work had to be put on hold because of this conflict caused by muni's outburst, and rinku definitely got the worst of it being muni's fp.the experience can be horrifying for all parties involved. friends of those with bpd could feel annoyed, bewildered, sad, or hated, and those with the disorder may feel rejected, unloved, unimportant, but most of all,like villains.when people with bpd have outbursts, we act in ways we never would otherwise. it's almost as if we're completely different people (which isn't to say those words aren't our responsibility and we shouldn't take accountablitiy for them). we insult, scream, and devalue those around up to a high degree. because of this horrible, nearly inexplicable behavior, we tend to hate ourselves for it and view ourselves as irredeemable villains who aren't worthy of or capable of love or empathy.but at the end of the day, the right people will still be there for us after the storm to help us through what we felt and clear up the mess. just because we need a little patience, doesn't mean we have no value. having outbursts does not make us bad people, and it certainly doesn't make us irredeemable villains. we are still human, and we still deserve connection.
we are not unlovable.

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rinku as muni's fp

an fp (favorite person) is a person that someone with bpd relies on for emotional support and stability. an fp can make or break a scenario for them based around something monumental or completely insignificant. triggers can be on purpose, on accident, or be small things that are seemingly irrelevant that a person with bpd misinterprets. it is important to note that this means someone with bpd's reactions to their fp are only sometimes caused by something an fp actually did. an example of this would be a scene in episode 12 where rinku wants to hang out with muni, but then becomes torn when she also has the chance to hang out with maho and rei instead. the fact that rinku has to think about the options makes muni upset, as she'd want to be her fps first and obvious choice (jealousy is common when it comes to fps).another similar instance of such is when rinku is at muni's house in the same episode. she isn't focusing on the task at hand and takes a whole detour to talk on the phone with towa about food. she even exclaims that she's disappointed she can't be with towa because she's at muni's house. this is undoubtly a trigger since this is the second time rinku has placed another person over muni in terms of who she wants to be around in that moment (at least in muni's eyes). this leads to muni's eventual outburst. i would argue that unlike the first example, rinku is partially responsible here for treating her and muni's interactions in the scene as wishy washy and not paying attention to them. however, i wouldn't put blame on her for caring about her other friends, and i wouldn't call her the bad guy for not being able to pay attention since she probably has adhd. but that's a huge discussion that's worthy of it's own entire carrd...fps also tend be frequently subject to the consequences of black and white thinking in a borderline's mind. we see this in, again, episode 12 where muni is acting rudely towards rinku, even though she is her best friend. we also see the flip side where muni values rinku's thoughts and opinions overall (muni was hesitant to buy her bunny ear accessory, but when rinku added that she wanted to see muni wearing it, she was instantly convinced (episode 5; 04:47)). black and white thinking does NOT mean that a borderline intensely hates their fp overall, because these moments do not last forever, but some fps can feel this way because of it. this is another way bpd can negatively effect loved ones, but as previously mentioned, this can be overcome with patience and communication. because rinku and muni fulfill such, i think they are a fantastic example of a positive and healthy bpd + fp relationship.rinku being muni's fp is the final puzzle piece that makes muni having bpd a lot clearer. muni and rinku's relationship is as deep and close just as that of any best friends would be, but it also goes further than that. they have a bond that is completely inseparable. muni is fully dedicated to rinku, and rinku stays with muni even through the outbursts and is open to hearing muni's feelings. this is very personal to me, as i find their loving and understanding relationship to be very similar to that of me and my own fp.no matter what bumps appear on the road, muni and rinku work through them and will always love each other.

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smaller details

♡ muni's outbursts are misunderstood (and not to mention, frequently trivialized by maho). this is an effect that can be common with bpd, because people without the disorder may not understand how small things can cause larger than life reactions. one example of this is when rei plays a phrase, saying it reminds her of muni, and muni gets overly upset because rei doesn't get her at all (yet)♡ one of muni's defining traits is that she eats a lot of snack foods, and at the beginning of episode 12, we see muni holding a large bunch of them. she could possibly be binging or eating her sorrows away, which is common for those with bpd♡ when muni is introduced to rei for the first time by rinku, she seems to be dismissive of her. this is most likely because rinku is shown to be fond of rei, someone muni doesn't even know. when someone with bpd senses their fp may be choosing someone over them (whether that's what is, or isn't happening outside of a borderline's head), they can become jealous just as muni has♡ muni could possibly have bpd comorbid with npd because of her grandiosity and fantasies of garnering awe and attention♡ muni is visibly moody at the beginning of episode 12 and nobody seems to pay it any mind. this could have contributed to her outburst by building up to it♡ during the rap scene in episode 12, muni says "you never heard a word i said!" and "you were gonna ditch!" about rinku, accusing her of not caring about muni and abandoning her. this is how people with bpd can feel when they perceive that they are being deemed as less important than another person to their fp or other loved ones.♡ muni tends to be socially awkward and inept, struggling to respond to others even when given the praise and attention she wants. i find this relatable, as me and others with bpd like mine don't usually get the affection we want often. so when we get it, we get flustered, sheepish, or snappy (even though we do heavily appreciate it)♡ muni's song (give me awesome) has lyrics such as...
"hey! stop leaving me on read!"
"this isn't enough at all!"
"even though i'm alone, i'm not lonely at all"
which is followed by...
"i won't admit it, but i am a bit lonely"
"everyone say..! 'muni-chan's awesome!'"getting a whole crowd to cheer your name... you are ill /lhj♡ muni faced an invalidating experience when she was younger when she was set to be the princess in an elementary school play. she was questioned and ridiculed instead of supported and praised when she took up this role, which lead to her running away from the play last minute.♡ during a sleepover at rei's house, muni saw rinku take rice off of rei's cheek. wanting this attention too, muni puts rice on her own cheeks. however, she put on too much, and rinku exclaimed that she looked like a little baby. muni went attention seeking and got a kind of it she wasn't looking for (shot for the stars and landed in the ocean...)♡ LOOK AT THIS CARD THERE ARE LITERALLY SO MANY RINKU ASPECTS IN IT??? I GET THAT THIS IS A RELATION GACHA BUT THIS IS EXCESSIVE FOR A RELATION IS IT NOT?????v THIS IS FP HAVING BEHAVIOR v

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thank you for ♡ reading ! ♡

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